Honeymoon
by Enielle
Summary: Island Chaos with WWF/WCW- now all chapters up.
1. Islands and aeroplanes

  
  
Disclaimer- Paris belongs to me, Suzy and Ro belong to themselves, all others belong to VK Mac  
  
Honeymoon  
Part one  
  
Islands and Aeroplanes  
  
Note- The characters e.t.c I use are linked to my friend Mole's stories, for more fic take a look at her stories, Medals, and Havoc Hell and Sweetness  
  
This is the first fic I have posted on this site, so please R+R. Tell me if it's any good, please don't flame me.  
  
The sun made Paris squint as she scanned the trees for any signs of movement. The golden sand was soft beneath her feet and the warm tropical wind stirred her short dark hair. A slight rustling in the bushes was her only warning before her attacker leapt at her, bullets whistling past her shoulders as she leapt out of the way. She waited, pressed against the cliff face, breathing hard. Then, when the timing was right she leant foreword, firing her gun manicly.  
  
Shane McMahon looked down at the red splodges on his shirt.  
"I-" he stammered "you...you got me, partner!" he made a few melodramatic gurgling sounds before collapsing in a heap on the floor.  
"Oh come ON, Shane!" Paris sighed. "don't be such a pussy! It didn't really hurt."  
Shane looked up from the floor.   
"It might NOT have hurt if SOMEONE hadn't stolen all my protective gear!"  
"But Shane-o!!" The voice came from Ro, a tall girl with short spiky dark hair. "you wouldn't want me to get hurt, would you??" She turned to display her multiple layers of paintball protection, mainly belonging to Shane.  
"Besides, Shane" Said Paris, wiping off her paintgun. "what you gonna do, tell your dad?"  
  
Vince McMahon was always coming up with ideas to boost company morale, but Paris had to admit that this one was better than most. To celebrate the recent marriage of his son Shane to his girlfriend Ro, he had given all their friends in the company two weeks paid holiday on his private island. Sun, sea and sand Paris could definitely cope with.  
  
Ro sat across the fire from Paris and Matt. She was having fun, and couldn't wait for Suzy and Jeff to get here. They had invited most of their friends, Paris, Matt, Suzy, Jeff, and Kurt, with the additions of Regal and Steve Austin, sent along by Vince to 'take care of the kids'. She hoped that he hadn't sent Austin to keep things quiet, as she watched him failing that purpose by initiating a 'how-many-cans-of-beer-can-you-drink-without-taking-a-breath' contest. She was perfectly happy to watch Austin and Kurt drench themselves in Bud, but the real reason she was so happy was sitting right next to her. She didn't care where she was as long as Shane was there. Though her friends did help, she thought, watching Paris do her best Mr. Rocko impression with one of Matt's socks and a crude drawing of the Rock.......  
  
Suzy shifted uncomfortably in her supposed '1st class seat' on the Boeing 747. If first class meant holes in the headrest and mustard stains on the seat, then yeah, this was 1st class. Actually she could hardly blame the airline for the mustard stains. They were due to one Jeff Hardy, sat in the seat in front of her, happily munching away at his toxic waste. Sorry, airline food. She prodded at her own lunch. Her plastic fork snapped on encountering the rock hard yet also somehow slimy green mush occupying her tray. She was sure it was looking at her.  
"You gonna eat that?" She looked up to see Jeff hanging over the back of his seat, eyes intent on her food.  
"What do you think?" She asked. Jeff eagerly grabbed her tray and started shoveling it into his mouth. "I don't know how you can eat that" She felt her stomach turn.  
"I'm a growing boy!" he protested. "I'm still hungry. 'sides, we could have been eating caviar on Vince's private jet if it wasn't for you."  
Suzy leant her head back and closed her eyes. "Jeff, you lost our passports. Now get over it."  
"I found them." he shrugged. Suzy opened one eye.   
"I'm surprised you didn't eat them too. And there I was thinking that you were a boy only in name..."  
He gave her a smoldering look over the back of the seat.   
"I assure you baby, I'm all man, and I think I'll have a chance to prove it once we get on that Island...."  
  
DDP, RVD, the Hurricane and Kanyon shifted against each other in the darkness. Kanyon growled to himself. "RVD, explain to me again why instead of sitting up in the comfy seats of first class, we are cramped into the LUGGAGE HOLD???"  
"Shut up, Kanyon." Rob Van Dam hissed "they'll hear us. And this wasn't exactly MY idea, you know."  
"I'll remind you, citizen Kanyon," Hurricane started, "that we came to a group decision that we couldn't possibly ask our great leader Shane McMahon for money for the plane tickets, simply because he misplaced our invites."  
"One," RVD broke in, "Shane did not misplace our tickets because two, he never made them out, because three, he only likes us in the STORYLINES. And four, Hurricane, for the last time, you are NOT a superhero!"  
Kanyon thought for a minute. "So why-" DDP suddenly cut in "I need to go to the restroom, guys."  
"Shut up, Dallas." Kanyon snapped. "So why are we going if we haven't been invited?"  
RVD sighed. "Because, Mr. Who Slower Than Kanyon, we are going there to mess it up, caus' we haven't been invited. Get it?"  
"Citizen Van Dam." Hurricane said in a concerned tone, "it is not very superheroly to mess up someone's wedding celebrations."  
"Hurricane..." RVD gritted his teeth "we went through this BEFORE we got on the-"  
"Guys!" Dallas squeaked "I gotta go!"   
"No!" The other three all shouted at once. "Dallas, we're nearly there, just hold on, ok?" RVD tried to sooth him.  
Dallas shook his head.   
"It's no good guys, I gotta- oh, man...."  
  
K, end of part, one, it's really bad, isn't it? I'll try to improve it in the next part. Please Review.  
  



	2. Who drank all the milk?

  
  
Honeymoon  
  
Part 2  
Who drank all the milk?  
  
Kurt watched his friends dancing, dimly lit by the mederteranian sunset. He should have expected Vince McMahon's private island to have a decent entertainment complex. but the glass dance floor was amazing, with images of swirling galaxies and stars projected under the dancer's feet. The only people not dancing were Austin, who was DJing, and Regal, who was sulking because they wouldn't let him DJ. And himself of course. He had too much on his mind, to many conflicting emotions to enjoy himself. It was a long time since he had last seen Suzy, and now she was coming. Her plane would be touching down now, and then she would get the helicopter out to the island. Paris came and sat down next to him. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she took out her cellphone.  
  
Paris dialed Suzy's number. She should have landed now, it should be safe to call her. As she waited for her to pick up. She noticed Kurt Angle staring at her. She wondered how he felt about seeing Suzy again. She knew that he had had a crush on her at one point. She gave him a quick smile then turned her attention the call as Suzy picked up.  
  
Kurt strained to listen. Was she phoning Suzy?  
"Hi! It's me! Yeah. So, good flight? No! Really! He ate EVERYTHING?!? Get away!"  
She IS calling Suzy, thought Kurt. That means she's touched down, and she's nearly here... how was he going to be able to talk to her? He'd gone from hating her to loving her, But he wasn't sure that he knew how to be just her friend...  
"Well." He heard Paris say. "There's Shane. And Ro. Well, duh. And Matty of course. And Steve, and Regal." She made a face. "Yeh. I know. And Kurt. Yeah, he's here. He looks okay." Long pause. "Well, why don't you ask him yourself?" Kurt froze. Oh no, not that. He didn't want to talk to her over the phone. He jumped up, planning on making a fast get away. Paris reached out and grabbed his trousers, pulling him down again. "Yeah, I'll pass you over." She passed her cellphone to Kurt. "Suzy. Talk." She got up, and went over to the bar.  
And Kurt was left alone. All alone with Suzy.  
"Kurt!" Suzy's voice came through. "How are you? It's been so long!"  
"Uh..." Kurt stammered. "good. I'm... good." What a stupid answer. I'm good. hell, he hadn't even asked her how she was. He opened his mouth.   
"Well, uh, bye Kurt." She hung up. He sighed. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't be her friend now he didn't have a crush on her. When he didn't want her, she was just... just... just the British Bitch.  
  
Suzy hung up the phone. Well, seems like Kurt had gone back to not wanting to be her friend. Well, she didn't care anymore. She just didn't care. Kurt was not going to spoil her fun. She would admit that she had had a crush on him, once, long ago, but she never felt that he could feel the same.  
But that was a long time ago, and now she had her Jeff, even if he WAS looking a little green around the gills.  
"Jeff honey." She said "you really shouldn't have eaten all that plane food."  
"WHAT?" Shouted Jeff over the helicopter's noise. She shook her head.  
"Never mind."  
"WHAT?" Suddenly she gasped, and they saw the island, beautiful and tranquil, the sun setting over the palm trees, reflected in the rippling waters. This was a sight they didn't need words to share.  
  
Someone else was staring at the island. Or rather three someones.  
Dallas turned round to look at the three of them.  
"I didn't say you could turn round yet!" snapped RVD.  
"But it was hardly my fault!" whined Dallas.  
"What do you mean it was hardly your fault! You pissed on me!" shouted Kanyon.  
"It was you that screamed!" shouted Dallas back. "And got us arrested!"  
"Yeah, well, we got out didn't we?" said Kanyon smugly.  
"Ah yes, it was MY super powers that saved the day!" exclaimed Hurricane, posing melodramatically against the sunset.  
"No." said Kanyon "it was MY negotiating skills that got us out"  
"Yeah, Right." said Dallas. "It was, as we all know, ME who charmed the female officer into letting us go."  
"YOU couldn't charm a snake with an instant snake charming spell and a snake charming expert" sniped Kanyon.  
"Shut up!" snapped RVD. "you're ALL wrong. The only reason they let us go was because Kanyon smelled of piss so bad they couldn't stand it!"  
"Not true!" squeaked Kanyon.  
RVD looked thoughtfully at Kanyon. After a minute Kanyon became uncomfortable. "WHAT?" He shouted.  
"I know how you can get the smell off." RVD said slowly.  
"You do?" Kanyon said hopefully. Then he followed RVD's gaze. "Oh no. Nah ah. You're joking, right?"  
RVD shrugged. "We gotta get to that Island somehow. What's wrong with swimming?"  
"WHAT'S WRONG?!? I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT'S WRONG!" Kanyon hyperventilated "THAT ISLAND IS A MILE OUT, THAT'S WHAT WRONG!!"  
"Woah! Hold it, citizen!" Hurricane backed away hurriedly. "I'll have to let you know this top secret information:" he looked around, then covered his mouth with his hand. "The Hurricane..." he whispered "the Hurricane... can't swim!"  
"Hah!" laughed Kanyon. "Loser!"  
"In that case-" snarled RVD, rounding on Hurricane "-we'll just have to tie you to some logs and use you as a raft, won't we?"  
"Can I turn round now?" Said Dallas.  
  
Paris stepped into the kitchen, and began the epic search for more Vodka. Matt Hardy stepped up behind her, burying his face in her neck.  
"Hey babes..." He whispered. "How about a cuppa?" She sighed. Ever since she'd taken Matt with her to celebrate her birthday in England, he'd been addicted to tea. But how could she refuse such a nicely put request? She went to the fridge.  
"I would, honey.." She said, rummaging around. "But Kurt's used all the milk!"  
"Wasn't me." said Kurt at the window. "It was Regal!"  
"Kurt!" Paris jumped in surprise, then narrowed her eyes. "Why were you listening at the window?"  
"I-I wasn't!" said Kurt, appearing at the door. "I was, uh, passing. And it really wasn't me."  
"Kurt, I really don't give a damn who drunk all the milk."  
"I do." Kurt ducked a randomly aimed saucepan whistling past his head. Paris turned to face Matt.  
"I'll go get some with Ro. It only takes 10 minutes in the boat."  
"What, only the two of you?" Matt protested.  
"Matt, it's only down the shops! And I think Kurt's gonna explode if we don't get some milk down him."  
"I am n-"  
Paris chucked a fork at Kurt. "If you're worried then we'll take Regal, ok?"  
"Ok." He agreed, kissing her.  
  
"Hey!" DDP shouted. "There's a boat coming in from the Island!" RVD jumped up beside him onto his lookout's post of a wooden box.  
"A real boat this time, Dallas?" RVD asked. "Not a leaf again?"  
"It was a big leaf!"  
"Shut up, Dallas. Well, I am impressed. A real boat! With a steering wheel and everything! You have outdone yourself." He climbed back down. "Everyone, hide behind those crates. Let's see if we can hitch a lift!"  
  
The helicopter shuddered under the assault of the storm. Suzy held on to Jeff, trying to stay in her seat.  
"It's no good!" Shouted the pilot. "We have to go back!"  
"WHAT?" Shouted Suzy and Jeff.  
"We're going back!" Shouted the driver, then swung the helicopter round, heading back to land.  
  
Paris climbed out of the boat, and stared at the sky over the sea. "Looks like there's a storm coming!" She turned to Regal and Ro. "One of us should stay here in case we need to anchor the boat."  
"I'll stay." Volunteered Ro. "I know how to withstand a storm. After all, I have been around Stef when she's in a temper."  
  
Behind the crates, RVD leant round to get a look.  
"It's her!" he said. "That one that the boss married!"  
"Then..." said Kanyon.  
"Then, Citizen Kanyon," Said Hurricane, "that means that this boat is going back to the island!"  
"Precisely!" Said RVD. "Let's go, before the boat does!" He paused. "And someone keep a hold on our resident superhero. I don't want any leaping out in front of the boat announcing our intentions to Mrs. McMahon!" Hurricane looked hurt.  
They crept round behind the crates to the back of the boat, then scrambled over them, dropping down into the back.  
"Did anyone see us ?" asked Dallas.  
"No. Now get under these sheets before she does see us!" Once under the heavy rubber sheets in the back, Dallas watched Ro's back as she moved around the boat. He grinned nastily to Kanyon.  
"Hey Chris." He wheezed. "You know what I like to do to a woman when she's all on her own?"  
"Oh, I don't know, Dallas." Kanyon said sarcastically. "STALK HER?"  
"AFTER I've stalked her!" Dallas whined.  
"No time for that now!" snapped RVD. "They're coming back, so shut up and get your head down!"  
  
"Ro!" Paris waved at her friend on the boat. "You'll never guess who I found!" Ro turned round to see them.  
"Suzy! Jeff!" She exclaimed, getting down off the boat to hug both of them. "Why aren't you in the copter?"  
"We hit a storm." Said Jeff. "Pilot turned back without even telling us!"  
"I told them they can get a lift with us!" Paris shouted over the rising winds. "We wont have a problem with this storm, will we?"  
"Not if we hurry." Said Regal, climbing aboard.  
  
They set off, the winds dying down a little, though it was starting to get quite dark.  
Under the tarpaulin in the back RVD sniggered.  
"Hey, I bag the brunette."  
"Who, Regal?" Said Kanyon. RVD growled.  
"Hurricane, hit him for me."  
"Ow!" said Kanyon. "Moron!"  
"Always happy to be of service." said Hurricane  
"I'll service that blond." sniggered Kanyon.  
"Yeah, I'll have the other brunette and all." agreed Hurricane.  
"Hey, she's mine." growled RVD.  
"Well which one are you having then?" asked Hurricane, confused.  
"The one with short hair."  
"They both have short hair."  
"The cute one!"   
"They're both cute!"  
"The one with fashion sense!"  
"Oh, so the one that's NOT married to Shane then." (sorry, just a private jab at my mate Ro.)  
"I'll have all three!" sniggered DDP.  
"You pervert Dallas!" said RVD. "hit him for me, Hurricane!"  
  
Part 3 should be up soon- hope you enjoy the story, it is going to get a plot sometime, I promise. (well, maybe) please review, and also read Mole's stories. Thanx : )  
  



	3. Peeping toms

  
Honeymoon  
  
Part 3  
Peeping Toms  
  
Disclaimer- ok you know the drill, I only own Paris, all the others own themselves, part from the ones that the big man himself owns of course.   
  
In case you haven't noticed yet, I luv the Hardys, esp. Matty, and I hate all aliance members. ESPECIALY DDP!!  
  
Kurt watched the boat come in, and could hardly fail to recognise the blond head of the British bitch. He was standing on top of the cliff, where normally the sun would beat down on him, but now it was almost pitch black and goosebumbs raised on his arms where the icy winds of the storm swirled around him. Kurt had been in tropical storms before, and the winds were usually warm, but now he shiverd from the cold, wishing he had more than a shirt and shorts on. He was quite sure that he couldn't be seen from the beach, which was exactly what he wanted. He really didn't want to face Suzy, he knew that he would just end up insulting her, even though he still cared for her as a friend. Why did this have to be so difficult? He wasn't opposed to getting to know one of the other girls though... tropical island, perfect location for, well, you know.  
The girls, Regal and Jeff left from his view, and he started to leave the cliff top. Then he noticed a movement in the back of the boat. He strained to see as four men emerged from under a sheet, and moved off in the direction that the girls had gone. Kurt scrambled towards the edge of the cliff, but it was too dark, and he couldn't see who it was no matter how hard he tried. Cursing, he slitherd down the cliff, but by the time he was on the beach, they were gone. Kurt decided that there was only one thing for it, he had to warn the others before it was too late.  
  
RVD forged ahead into the jungle. He rounded on the others, swearing.  
"We've lost them, you idiots!"  
"'snot my fault." said DDP. "Hurricane's bein' slow."  
"Citizen Page." started Hurricane "I was mearly-"  
"Climbing every tree in the jungle and lifting up every rock?"  
"Yeah, what WERE you doing?" Kanyon asked.  
"Superheros do not have to justify themselves!" said Hurricane indignantly.  
"They do if they want to keep their teeth!" threatend RVD.  
"I was mearly looking for hidden dangers!" sniffed hurricane.  
"Well this danger isn't hidden." snarled Kanyon, bearing his fist. "and it's gonna find YOU!!"  
RVD stepped around the two scrapping on the floor.  
"Rob." said Dallas, wiping his nose on his sleeve, "Why were we following those girls, anyway?"  
"Why do you think idiot." RVD kicked at the ground. "I've decided how we're gonna get our revenge. We're gonna scare them off the island."  
"oh, so were actually gonna do something, are we?"  
"what did you think? that we were just some kind of comedy act?"  
  
authors note: well, yeah! Why else would I put them in?  
  
"And if it dosen't work we can just annoy them to death, right?" asked DDP.  
"Dunno." RVD turned away, kicking at the ground. He glared at Dallas. "that's your depertment, isn't it?"  
"So," Dallas ignored him. "which loverly lady do I get to terrorise?"  
"You." said RVD. "get to help me. Stalk her till she's piss scared, then I'll step in and rescue her, ok?"  
"What good is that gonna do?" whined DDP.  
"I get myself a chickie." Sniggerd RVD.  
"What about me?" said Kanyon, standing up, brushing himself off.  
RVD waved his hand dissmissivley. "Fight it out between you."  
"With pleasure!" snarled Hurricane from the floor, grabbing Canyon's ankle and pulling him over.  
"Come on Dallas." said RVD walking off. "We've got work to do."  
  
Kurt sat frozen still in a tree above them. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had to warn the girls! Kanyon and Hurricane didn't look like they were going anywhere fast, but where was RVD taking that Dallas guy? He knew he only had one chance to save whichever the lucky girl was. Question was, which one did he want to save more?  
  
Suzy smiled at her friends. This was a novelty for her, she appeard to have absolutly nothing in the world to worry about. She had Jeff, she had her friends, and she had two weeks of paid leave. Bliss. One thing she hadn't had much of, though, was sleep, she thought as she let out the mother of all yawns. It seemed to be catching, as Paris also let out a huge yawn.  
"Matty." she said, "I'm tierd. Let's go to bed." Matt got up, and waited for her to get up as well. She looked at him imploringly. "Carry me."  
"Is she like this all the time?" Asked Jeff, laughing.  
"Always." grinned Matt, sweeping her up.  
  
RVD watched them through the bushes. "I think." he murmerd "we have found our first victim."  
  
Kanyon walked throung the tropical jungle, grimacing every time Hurricane leaped out of the foliage in front of him, looked around and then dissapeared again. After the eigth time, Kanyon stuck out his foot, tripping him up.  
"What are you DOING???" He pulled Hurricane up. "actually, never mind. I don't WANT to know." He sighed. "I'm so bored of this. I'm getting rained on, and I can't find this on the map"  
"Yeah." Hurricane pulled a twig of his cloak. "Hey, Kanyon. I know how I can cheer us up. What's the similarity between Stefanie McMahon-Helmsly and a doorknob?"  
"I dunno." Kanyon sighed. "What IS the similarity between Stefanie McMahon-Helmsley and a doorknob?"  
"Eveyone gets a turn!" Hurricane grinned.  
"That's not funny." They walked in silence for a few minutes.  
"You know what?" Kanyon said.  
"What, citizen Kanyon?"  
"I think we're lost."  
"I think you're right."  
  
Paris woke, and lifted her head from the pillow. She de-entangled Matt's arms from around her, and slowley eased herself out of bed, being careful not to disturd her sleeping hardy. She looked over at him, his chest rising and falling, hair spread over the pillows. He looked so damn fine. She walked into the kitchen, and poured herself a glass of milk. It was the only thing they had left to drink, unless she wanted to start on the asbinth, which she most certainly didn't.  
  
Kurt Angle watched her through the window. He felt like a peeping tom. But he had to warm all the girls. But he would look pretty stupid if he was wrong... maybe he should hang around here a bit untill he went in just in case nothing was going to happen.  
He watched her walk into the kitchen and pour herself a glass of milk. Milllllkk.... Kurt shook himself, and tried to concerntrate. Then again, he didn't even know he was in the right place, he had just come to the closest rooms he could find.  
  
Then he saw it, a shadow crouched at the window, breath steaming on the glass, watching her intently. It was RVD! It had to be! He was right! He had to warn her, and now.  
He stood up quickly, and WHACK! the log came down sharp across the back of his neck. RVD grinned as Kurt Angle colapsed in frount of him.  
"Now now." he breathed. "it isn't nice to stare at ladies in their nightclothes, is it?"  
  
Paris played with the hem of her nightie whilst she drank the milk. She rememberd when Matt had bought it for her. Maybe she should have woken him, told him where she was going. She felt uncomfatble, and exposed. Nervously she scanned the windows, her gaze working downwards, untill it met...  
  
Matt was jerked out of his sleep, and the first thing he noticed was that Paris was gone from beside him, before he even realised that it was her scream that had woken him. He heard glass shatter and her shout something, and leapt of of bed yanking at the door. The door knob rattled in his hand.   
He heard her scream something again, and charged the door with all his weight and strength. It fell in, and he ran through to the kitchen, only to see the door slam. He jumped over the glass on the floor, and ran out into the night.  
"Paris? Paris, where are you?"  
  
Paris heard him shouting, heard him calling her name, but she couldn't go to him. Between her and him was... that thing. Whatever it was. She had screamed when she saw IT at the window, and he had leapt right through it, scattering glass everywhere. It had grabbed her, refusing to let go, untill she had kneed it in it's, um, sensitive spot, and ran through the door. She could hear it following her, gaining all the time.   
  
She felt tears streaming down her face, and her breath came in short rasps. She felt it grab her ankle, pulling her down onto the dry sandy ground. Then it was on top of her, and she kicked as hard as she could, sending it flying into a tree.   
She caught DDP's eyes, crazy, intense, but no hint of mercy. She didn't know what she could do, she had no strength left. She got up anyway, and immediatley fell down again, pain shooting through her ankle. She pulled herself up with a tree, and staggerd a step before walking into something solid, she braced herself for impact with the floor, but instead she felt herself caught, and turning saw a Rob Van Dam, half concealed by darkness. She fought away, but he wouldn't let go of her. Suddenly IT leapt out of the darkness, but RVD let her go and charged it, delivering a huge blow to Dallas's head. He scamperd away into the darkness.   
RVD turned back to her. She tried to stand but couldn't. But then Matt was there at her side, lifting her off her feet   
"You!!" Matt snarled at the man. "Who are you? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now!" The man stepped back, hands raised in defence.  
"Hey, I'm Rob-Van-Dam, and I'm not the one who attacked your girl! I saved her!" Matt looked down at paris. "Is this true?"  
"I- I think so..." She stammerd, "He wasn't the one that attacked me." Matt looked hard at RVD.  
"You know, you're exactly right. She IS my girl. So stay away." He turned, walking back towards the hut.  
  
RVD stood watching them leave.  
"You know. " He said. "I think that this may be harder than we thought."  
"WE thought???" complained Dallas, emerging from the bushes. "As I recall, it was YOU who-"  
"Shut up." RVD knelt down, and picked up a ripped piece of Paris's nightie. "You know, I'll think we'll have to work on the other two couples first." he turned to Dallas "well? What do you think?"  
Dallas rubbed his head. "I think that you didn't have to hit me quite so hard!"  
"Did I ask you to talk?" RVD whacked Dallas over head. "now go help Kanyon and Hurricane." He thoughtfuly fingerd the silk. "Where are those two morons, anyway?"  
  
  
Ok, end of part three. Sorry it was a bit lame laughs and plot wise. And everythingwise, really. It was just kind of a linking chapter. Anyways, I have absolutley no idea where this is going, hell, I'm making it up as I go along!!!  
Please review, don't flame me, ok? 


	4. Eeek! What IS it?

Disclaimer- blah blah blah Vinnie Mac owns all WWF WCW characters, I own Paris, all others own themselves, etc etc.  
  
Chapter 4  
Eeek! What IS it??  
  
"Jerk!" screamed Paris, lashing out. RVD rubbed his head.  
"You're really not helping, you know."  
Matt eyed him him suspiciously.  
"Are you really a doctor?"  
"Of course!" RVD glared at him. "And I'd have had the chance to prove it as well if she'd let me anywhere near that ankle!"  
"You're HURTING me!" Paris pouted.  
"You know, I don't trust you." Matt snarled at RVD.  
"The feeling is most certainly mutual."  
"That's it!" I'm gonna take you to the mainland to see a REAL doctor!" Matt turned round. Jeff stood up to bar his way.  
"Not in THAT you're not!" He gestured out of the window. "That storm's really picking up."  
"I guess you'll just have to trust me then," RVD faced Matt.  
"Not on your life and not with my girl!" Matt swung round suddenly. "and where do you think YOU'RE going?" Paris was halfway to the door.  
"I'm gonna find that little creep who attacked me." She paused. "and then, I'm gonna kill him!"  
"No." Said Matt, fimly escorting her back to the bed. "You're gonna lie down here, and you're-"  
"-gonna let me take a look at that ankle!" Cut in RVD.  
"No, I'm gonna look at it!" Said Matt icily.  
"Who's the qualified doctor here?" RVD almost yelled.  
"I see no qualified doctors!" Matt shouted. "only QUALIFIED PERVERTS!" He wacked RVD over the head.  
Suzy sighed. She really couldn't deal with this tonight. Men could be so bloody STUBBORN! She left them arguing in the hut behind her, and made her way over to her rooms.  
  
Kurt stirred, and his hand immedietley went to his head, where he encounterd dry blood. Dry? He thought. How long have I been lying here? Was- oh no! The girls! He stood up too quickly, and had to lean against a tree to get his balance. He heard raised voices inside the hut in front of him. He slowley and groggily made his way inside. They all stopped and turned to look at him as he enterd.  
"Kurt!" Paris exclaimed. "what happend to you?"  
"What happend to YOU?!?" He asked, staring at her bandaged ankle. He stopped dead. "YOU!!!" He shouted, staring at RVD. He looked at Paris. "He was going to attack you!"  
"No, it wasn't him!" she frowned.  
"YOU WERE ATTACKED!?!" Kurt screamed.  
"Sit down, Kurt, you look like you hit your head. You sound like it, too."  
"No! He also- he hit me over the head! And I saw him staring at you through the window!"  
"So, let me get this straight." RVD smirked. "I hit you over the head... whilst I was watching her through the window?"  
"You-you had an accomplice!!" Kurt protested.  
"Who looked exactly like me?" RVD raised his eyebrows.  
"No-I-I-I didn't say that." Kurt sunk into a chair, head buried in hands. How was he going to get them to believe him? If only his memory was clearer, but his brain seemed to have a fog over it. "his accomplice was- small, weedy, kinda creepy." Paris frowned.  
"Now that you mention it, that DOES sound like that THING that that attacked me."  
"Come on," RVD laughed, "you really think I'm associated with THAT slime ball?"  
  
The 'slime ball' was hiding underneath Suzy's balcony.He was giving Kanyon and Hurricane some pretty hard stares.  
"So let me get this straight, guys. You have done... nothing?"  
"Well..." Said Kanyon nervously, "We played some cards."  
"And watched Kurt Angle get undressed..." Kanyon elbowed Hurricane. "I mean... we scouted out the area."  
"You-" Dallas nodded at them both, "Are usless. Wait here." He scrambled and climed untill he was on the balcony railings.  
  
Down on the ground, there was a long silence. Finally Kanyon said,  
"Kurt Angle? You told me it was a hot girl!" Hurricane rolled his eyes.  
"I was leading you on. You need glasses, citizen Kanyon." There was another long pause.  
"I'm getting wet." Observed Kanyon.  
"Really?" Hurricane sounded suprised. "oh, I forgot that you do not possess hurri-powers. I'm not even damp." Kanyon glanced at his scepticly.  
"Really? You look wet to me."  
"Wet, citizen Kanyon, is in the eye of the beholder."  
"But your hair's all wet. It's sticking to your head."  
"It is of no consequence."  
"And your cape is dripping."  
"....."  
"And your stupid make up is running. It looks even more wussy than usual."  
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" Hurricane's hands flew to his face. "Come on, lets play some cards."  
"What, those ones with the hot babes on them?"  
"uh... yeah."  
".....You're not telling me those are of Kurt Angle too?"  
"....."  
"You're sick, you know that? Sick."  
  
DDP sat crouched on the balcony rail. He peered at Suzy through the french windows. If he waited a bit, maybe she'd take some clothes off...  
  
Suzy saw a movement at the window, and paused halfway through unbutonning her blouse.  
  
Dallas caught his breath. He knew he'd been spotted. Time to move...  
He leapt at suzy, who screamed, and hit him away with the back of her hand.  
"EeeK! What IS it?" DDP rubbed his cheek, more than his ego hurt. He hadn't been expecting this. What he didn't know, and really should have, was that the difference between Paris and Suzy was two olympic gold medals and about 100 pounds. In muscle.  
He ran at her, but this time she was ready, and a powerful kick sent him sailing through the windows and over the balcony. He landed on Kanyon and Hurricane.  
"Oh well." he murmerd. "least I got a soft landing."  
"I'll give you soft landing!" Kanyon snarled, elbowing Dallas in the jaw.  
"Superheros-" Grunted Hurricane, hauling himself up and Dallas up with him. "-are not for use-" Dallas dodged a clumsily aimed punch, "-as saftey mats!"  
"I see you've failed. Typical." RVD stepped out of the shadows. Kanyon jumped and let out a high pitch squeak.  
"Hey, don't creep up on us like that already!" He narrowed his eyes. "and I didn't exactly see you having much luck!"  
"Yeah well." RVD growled. "I ran into a few hitches, didn't I?"  
"This plan sucks!" whined Dallas. He paused. "Do you know what he said to me? She said- 'Eeek! What IS it?'" Dallas gave a bad impression of a girl's voice. "Why do girls always say that when they see me?"  
"Because." snapped RVD. "you're ugly."  
"And stupid." added Kanyon.  
"And creepy." contributed Hurricane.  
"Gee, thanks for the ego boost guys."  
"Don't worry." RVD slapped him on the back. "you're right about one thing. This plan DOES suck. AND it's not working."  
"So what do we do?"  
"We need to accomplish the reason we're here. Revenge on the McMahons!"  
  
The kitchen was cramped with all of them in it, but they had decided to call this emergancy meeting in a hope of deciding what they should do.  
"Well?" said Austin, "What should we do? What? I said what shall we do!"  
"Are we gonna go home or stick it out here?" Regal asked. RVD leant against the wall, smirking to himself. He eyed the strong looking blond with interest. He wonderd if she was taken?  
"We're not going home!" She sounded determined.  
"Well, what do we know? What? I said, what do we know? What? I said-"  
Matt ignored Austin's derranged schizo ramblings.  
"We know that there is some kind of creep on the Island." He wrapped his arm possesivley around Paris. "We don't know what he wants, and we don't know how he got here."  
"Talking of creeps," Suzy eyed RVD coldly. "How did YOU get here?" RVD glared back. He was starting to go off her. Looks were all very well, but the edge of spite in her voice wasn't to attractive.  
"'Tis a cold woman that you are." Though his words were light, his tone was filled with as much venom as hers had been. "My boat was caught up in the storm and I had to dock it here." He lied easily.  
"Well, that dosen't answer the question of what we should do about that slimy little creature that's hanging around" Matt said.  
Kurt stirred in his seat on the kitchen counter.  
"You got an idea, Jackass?" Asked Austin. Kurt nodded.  
"Yipi-" Austin stuck up his hand.  
"Shut it kurt."  
"-kai-"  
"KURT! Now, has anyone ELSE got an idea?" Kurt nodded. Austin sighed. "One more chance, Jackass. Just one." Kurt nodded.  
"Let's all just have a warm glass of-"  
"KURT!" Kurt looked innocently at the others.  
"I was just going to say-"  
"Milk. You were going to say milk, right Kurt?"  
"No, I was going to say..." Kurt looked around desperatley. "uhh... turtles."  
The others all looked at Kurt. There was a long pause. Regal was the first to speak.  
"Turtles. A warm glass of....turtles. Thankyou for that great contribution to society."  
Austin raised his eyebrows.  
"Anyone... sane have an idea?"  
"I've got an idea." RVD moved over to Ro and spoke so softley no-one else could hear him.  
"Pervert!" Ro slapped him hard.  
"What on earth did he say?!?" Shane shouted, rising to his feet. RVD raised his hands in defence.  
"Hey, I only said that we should all just go to bed!"  
"That's funny." Ro growled. "Cos' I certainly didn't hear any ALL in that sentance when you said it to me!" She turned round to Paris and Suzy. "Come on girls, let's go get some sleep."   
The girls left the kitchen, arms linked, Paris limping. RVD scurried after them. Shane waved Matt and Jeff over.  
"I really don't trust him." He glared after RVD's retreating back.  
"What do you mean?" Jeff looked puzzled. "I haven't noticed him doing anything bad."  
"You mean you didn't notice him staring at Suzy?" Asked Matt in mock surprise.  
"He-" Jeff looked mad. "he-"  
"Yeah." Added Shane, "I think he went off her after she practicly bit his head off." Jeff smirked.  
"Even still. We should REALLY do something about him." They turned their heads to the window as they heard one of the girls scream "Eeek! Rob, you pervert! Get off me!", and RVD maniclly laughing in the distance. Jeff raised his eyebrows.  
"And soon."  
"I dunno." Austin walked over. "I think they're enjoying it. What? After all, why else would they be out there all ALONE with him? Surely not because their boyfriends and husband are in here discussing it instead of-" Matt, Jeff and Shane had alreay left.  
  
The storm howled around the huts, and Paris cuddled closer to Matt.  
"Sure has been a long night, huh?" he murmerd into her hair.  
"Sure has" she sleepily mumbled "I wonder if that thing's still out there?"  
"Probably fell off a cliff or something." He closed his eyes. "let's just get some sleep."  
"mmmmm."  
Just as she was dozing off, the phone rang. She rolled over, and picked it up.  
"murf? Suzy? Yeah, could be. We'd better. See you there. Bye." She rolled back over to face Matt. "That was Suzy. She thinks that that creepy guy might attack Ro next, and she can't defend herself like Suzy can, and Shane, being a pussy, can't protect her all that much. We should really get over to her just in case. We're gonna meet her in the kitchen, ok? She could be in danger!"  
  
Ro hummed to herself as she worked in the kitchen. Shane was asleep, but somehow she just couldn't doze off. So instead she was baking a 48 hour anniversary cake for him. She saw Dallas diving towards her, and swung around. His head made a hollow sound as it made contact with the saucepan in her hand. (why did she have a saucepan for baking a cake? I dunno, I'm not one to assess her culinary skills, ok?)  
  
Matt, Jeff and Shane walked into the storage hut. RVD looked up from crouching on the floor.  
"Are you gonna keep me in here forever? I was only having a bit of harmless fun!"  
"WITH MY WIFE!!" shouted Shane, baring his fist inces from RVD's face.  
"AND MY GIRLFRIEND!!" added Matt. RVD gave them an innocent look.  
"I was just getting to know them-"  
"ON THE FLOOR?" Jeff hyperventilated. "Is girls ALL you ever think about?"  
"Such thoughts are all my head can hold!"  
"We came up with a plan." Said Jeff slowly. RVD looked hopeful.  
"What?"  
"We're gonna kill you." said Matt visciously. RVD pretended to think about it.  
"Hmmm... interesting idea, guys. But you know, I might have an alternive that's not so, um, drastic?"  
"I dunno." Jeff grinned evily at the others. "I kinda liked our plan, didn't you?"  
"Let's just talk about this, guys. Guys?" RVD pleaded.  
"Ok." Said Shane. "We'll hear you out." He sniffed the air. "But let's go somewhere that dosen't stink of piss, shall we?"  
  
Dallas crumpled at Ro's feet.  
"Ew, what IS it?" she squealed. "get it OFF me!"  
Suzy and Paris came in through the door.  
"It's that pervert!" yelled Suzy.  
"Kill it!" Shouted Paris. All three of them started to attack the comatosed DDP with whatever kitchin implements they could lay their hands on.  
  
Jeff, Matt, Shane and RVD leaned against the door frame.  
"Looks like they caught him." Jeff laughed.  
"I almost pity the guy." Jeff smirked.  
"Yeah. Almost." All three laughed.  
"I'll be going then..." RVD tried to make good his escape. Matt caught him by the sleeve.  
"Going so soon? I thought we were gonna have that little chat?"  
"Otherwise." Grinned Jeff. "We might have to resort to Plan A, eh fellas?"  
"Uh-" RVD sweated. "Maybe I'll just hang around a little longer..."  
  
The sight of a furious double olympic gold medalist wielding a kitchin knife was enough to wake the dead, and it certainly woke DDP, who staggerd to his feet.  
"Alright already!" he shouted. "I have had it! I am sick of this story! Does the god damn author have it in for me or something?" (well, DUH!!) "I have had it with being beat up by GIRLS, I have had it with being called IT, and I have had it with YOU!!!" He jabbed his finger at RVD.  
"Uh-" RVD stammerd.  
"I am tierd of doing your dirty work just so you can get laid!"  
"I KNEW IT!" Matt shouted, and RVD dodged out of the way as Matt swung his fist at his head.  
"Lies!" He pleaded. He turned to the girls, putting on his best winning smirk. "You believe me, don't you?"  
"Oh, Rob!" Paris walked towards him slowley, smiling sweetly, "Do you REALLY mean it?"  
"Could you possibly mean" Ro flutterd her eyelashes at him, "That this whole thing was a set up to frame you?" RVD closed his eyes in relief and leaned against the wall.  
"I knew you would-" Paris's metal crutch struck him soundly across head, and he flew backwards into Matt. Matt and Jeff delieverd powerful blows to him whilst Suzy leapt into the fray with her breadknife, and Paris and Ro wacked at him with the crutches inbetween shouting 'pervert!' and 'scum!'.  
"Okay!" He shouted. "I'm comatosed already!"  
"You can't be-' WHACK! "-comatosed-" WHACK! "-if you're-" WHACK! "-still-" WHACK! "-SPEAKING!" He fell to the floor at Paris's last blow.  
  
"What are we gonna do with these two?" Asked Matt, holding DDP by the scruff of his neck.  
"There's two others sneaking around as well." added Jeff.  
"I think I know exactly what we can do with all four of them...." Suzy grinned.  
  
  
Please Review!! 


	5. No-one understands me

Honeymoon part 5  
No-one understands me  
  
Kurt sat on the sand, watching the others dance. He was beginning to get a sense of de ja vu... They'd saved the day, yet all the same problems were stll there. He stll felt left out, his head was a mess, and he was still single. Mind you... he looked over at Suzy. She had had an argument with Jeff earlier, and now she looked pissed. Maybe she needed comforting...  
  
Great, thought DDP. This is how they treat us. Put us on a raft in the middle of God knows where. He didn't even know which sea they were on. Why did it always turn out like this? Marooned with these three idiots. He was sure that he had more brain cells than the three of them combined. If only the girls had taken time to get to know him before they screamed and hit him... Maybe he needed to work on his flirting tactics. He still couldn't see what was wrong with good old fashioned stalking. It made a girl feel special, didn't it?  
"Hey Dallas." It was the first time RVD had spoken to him since they were caught. "Instead of moping around, why don't you FIND A BLOODY OAR AND ROW US OUTTA HERE!!!"  
"Geez, Rob." Said Dallas sarcasticly. "That's a real good idea. I mean, I never thought of that. You know, I'd do that that right now if my BLOODY HANDS WERN'T TIED UNDER MY ASS!"  
"What kind of half-assed excuse is that? When I say grab an oar and row, I expect you-"  
  
They waited in the dock, all with grim faces.  
  
Suzy sighed, kicking at the ground. She didn't want to go home. She loved her job, but when it was a competion between that and lying on the beach watching the sunset with Jeff...  
  
Paris stared at the sun. She wished she could stay here, instead of going back to reality.  
  
Jeff also wished that he didn't have to return to reality. Not that working in the WWF felt like a normal kind of reality....  
  
Kurt signhed. He was glad that he had made friends with Suzy again, but he knew that he also had to go back to that different kind of reality...  
  
"Alright, everyone!" Shouted Regal. "Time to hop it! Into the boat!"  
"Wait a minute!" Austin frowned. "There's another boat coming!" They looked to where he was pointing, where a large yacht was homing down on them at a very high speed.  
"Maybe we underestimated those Jerks!" Said Shane. The yacht swung into the docks. The door opend.  
"Don't go!" Someone shouted from inside. Shane frowned.  
"Do I know that voice?" Vince McMahon stepped out from the boat. "Dad! What are you doing here?" Vince laughed.  
"I thought we'd come to give you a late wedding present!" Shane looked puzzled. Stef stepped out of the boat, followed by Chris Jericho, the Rock, The Hollys, Dudleys, and most of the WWF, WCW and ECW.  
"We're gonna PAR-TAY!" Yelled Jericho.  
  
Ro smiled. What a great last night. Her step-father had been quick to accept the credit, though she had suspicions that Stef had more than a little to do with this suprise.  
  
The Rock leaned against a palm tree.  
"Hey Molly." Molly Holly turned round from dancing with Spike.  
"What, Rock?"  
"Are you thinking about the people's stroodle?"  
"No, Rock, for the last time, I am NOT thinking about your god damned stroodle!"  
"Really?" The Rock arched his eyebrow.  
"Well, I am NOW!"  
  
  
THE END  
  
(okay, so i had no idea how to end it. Please Review!) 


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